after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize