Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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