Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
