I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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