I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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