Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
