I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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