I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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