All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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