apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
