Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
