We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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