a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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