Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize