actually, I'm a sock model
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
smell my finger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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