I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
