Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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