he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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