Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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