i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hippo gnu deer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
