I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
