one might say we're banned from that church
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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