Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
handjob tips. give me some.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I just sharted jello shots
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
