you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
