i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
