Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
