The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
