Your face is a jimmy john
You can't special order awesome
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
