I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
