So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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