im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She bit a glass in half.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
