you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
