someone threw a dead crab at me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
