We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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