why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
