Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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