There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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