we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
