I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
