Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
