ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
