what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
