Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
