I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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