On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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