.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
