you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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