omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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