Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
