Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
