i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
