they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
