Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
