so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
