found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
