I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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