Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
