Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
