Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize