Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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