She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
