Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
this hospital has no fireball
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
