I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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