Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm both gender and math confused
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
