you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
