just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
