I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
